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gabescrazy's picture
lawers VS. skunks
Submitted by gabescrazy on Sat, 09/03/2011 - 7:46pm

What's the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

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asokan626's picture
Do not ask an old lady for opinion
Submitted by asokan626 on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 9:07am

I dunno I dunno I dunno

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer!

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soviet72's picture
lawyers and apples
Submitted by soviet72 on Thu, 05/21/2009 - 11:09am

How is an apple like a lawyer?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

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MasterSock's picture
Not easy
Submitted by MasterSock on Fri, 05/08/2009 - 3:13pm

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe.

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Cosmo's picture
an illegitimate child or a lawyer
Submitted by Cosmo on Fri, 05/08/2009 - 3:13pm

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.

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kyra365's picture
game of intelligence
Submitted by kyra365 on Fri, 05/08/2009 - 3:13pm

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. Snore! The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00.

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littleed57's picture
Divorce Lawyer
Submitted by littleed57 on Fri, 05/08/2009 - 3:12pm

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"

The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

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polyester's picture
Professional courtesy
Submitted by polyester on Fri, 05/08/2009 - 3:12pm

A ship was sunk in the pacific ocean. There were only 3 survivors: a doctor, a priest and a lawyer. They managed to make it to the life boat but the oars weren't there.

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Atkinson's picture
Lawyer/Hooker
Submitted by Atkinson on Fri, 05/08/2009 - 3:12pm

What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?

A: A hooker stops screwing you after your dead.

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Lili's picture
The Uncharitable Lawyer
Submitted by Lili on Fri, 05/08/2009 - 3:12pm

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

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